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Personals Work!

The Boston Globe

 

She wants to be their Ms. Write

After all, it's not like they have a lot of options besides personal ads, the 1960s alternative that has become thoroughly mainstream.  "One client who's in her 50s asked me, "What else am I gonna do?  Sit in Star Market and wait for someone to walk by?" Fox says.
And hey, personals worked for Susan Fox.  Nine years ago, the one-time therapist, freelance writer, and independent radio producer sat down with a couple of friends and wrote an advertisement for herself ("Something about having lots of frequent flyer miles," she recalls). 
Globe Staff Photo/ Suzanne Kreiter

 She was divorced, a recent engagement had fallen through, and she was asking herself if she was desperate enough to try the personals to the tune of $1,200.  Result: meetings with 31 different guys over 10 months, from a taxi driver to an MIT administrator.  She chose the latter, Rick Hill, who today is a computer consultant and her husband.  She found a new career, too.

You might think that anyone could compose a personal advertisement, but Fox might disagree.  She also might recite some of the clichés found in many ads: pretty, blonde 39; likes movies, hiking, beaches, and sitting in front of the fire; seeks successful, handsome man 39-45.  "Well just who is this woman?"  Fox laments.  "We know nothing about her except she likes movies, hiking, beaches and fires.  We know she thinks she's pretty.  And we know she wants what everybody else wants.  There's no meat there."

 Fox thinks personal ads should tell a kind of story, and the ones she writes tend to speak of, say, small-town roots, the love of a good Bordeaux, or dreams of a second home in Maine.  Still, that doesn't mean you can't do it yourself and she offers five suggestions:
  • Start with a list of the qualities you're seeking, as well as a list of your own qualities.  "If you don't know, ask your friends."

 

  • Don't make your ad too brief.  "The whole psychology of this is that people tend to respond to ads that paint complete portraits."

 

  • Don't get too cute.  "'Juliet seeks Romeo' not only falls flat.  It also brings out the weirdos.

 

  • Write mostly about yourself, not what you are seeking.  "Unfortunately, most people use about two-thirds of their copy to describe what they're after, not who they are."

 

  • Avoid clichés.  "OK, you can say you like beaches.  But try to add some interests with substance.  Like philosophy."

 

Fox's clients may have played the dating game in the past, but the rules have changed since many of them took the field.  "They never had to face AIDS, for one thing," she says.  "Also, women today have to understand that they're allowed to take a more active role in a relationship, to be the pursuer instead of being passive.  And they have to realize that going out means going somewhere of mutual interest, not simply being picked up and taken somewhere.  My mother used to tell me when I went out, 'Pretend to be interested in what he's interested in.'  But that's not true anymore."

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